These last few weeks have been hectic, as always. deadlines to meet, submissions after submissions, project meetings and the list goes on.
Nevertheless it would suck to have me abandon writing, and this blog for the matter. Sometimes I run into moments (and perhaps periods) of self doubts- when I wonder if ‘writing’ is even ‘my thing’; when I doubt anyone actually reads these posts; when I feel as though I ought to be doing something else that perhaps would seem to bring more approval.
But in these periods of self doubt and questioning, I find myself always revolving around the same issues- be it writing, keeping this blog, or any other thing in life- that I’m seeking the approval of others.
I don’t think this is new to some, or many of us. We live in a world that walks by sight, and we live to impress, we do things out of the mere hope that we get noticed, approved, affirmed.
On hindsight, I’ve been living this way my entire life. Full of comparisons with peers, wanting to achieve excellence so I can get the affirmation I’ve always wanted and needed.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a spirit of excellence, nothing wrong with being successful.
But the intention is crucial.
For the better part of my life, I’ve spent it chasing success and approval from others. Of course I want success for myself more than anyone else but the key issue here is, I’ve been trying way too hard to seek the approval of others.
And sometimes, or many times, it hinders my spiritual walk with God.
I’ve allowed myself way too many times to fall into such traps, where I stray away from the word of God, when I choose to walk the ways of the world, despite knowing that it’s not what God wants for me.
God wants me to know that I’ve been fully accepted by Him, loved and blessed abundantly, beyond what I could ever do to deserve and earn.
And that’s grace.
“He made us accepted in the Beloved.”
Ephesians 1:6
It’s so radical that many, including myself, find it so hard to accept and believe.
But truth is, our part is simple to step out in faith and believe.
All we need is a mustard seed sized faith, God sees it, takes it, plants it by the rivers of living waters.
Even as I continue to face many many challenges trying to move away from seeking the approval of the world, it’s needful to continue reminding myself that through it all, I’ve already been accepted and approved by Him.
The self doubts and condemnation wage war against me constantly. And it is never by my strength to resist them, it’s His perfect love I need to rely on to drive them all out.
Definitely, it’s easier said than done. But as I’ve said, our part is to believe and accept, not to strive or do.
And if we were just willing to believe and accept, even just with faith as a mustard seed, God sees it and pours forth His blessings.
Would you just believe and receive?
This is perfect love.
“He who did not spare His own Son, hut delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?”
Romans 8:32
gracehopefreedom 